You told me not to say anything else and the silence that follows is more ear piercing that anything else, therefore I hope that you'll be reading this...I know you will, just as much as you'd expect me to post this.
I've been thinking up till now what you said. I admit I was harsh, I was angry and yet I had no right to tell you what you should do. I overstepped that boundary and would like to say "I'm sorry!" but it might be too late for that. You brought up things like punishment, unfairness and overwritten. These 3 words made me mince my words, it hurts to hear these words but more hurtful, is that you think that of me. I never meant to hurt you whenever we have talks like that. Every time I dread going through this talks with you, and I pray that you'll see my intentions but maybe god doesn't hear or I'm just doing it wrongly. I've never said the right things to make you smile but always the wrong things to make you cry. Sometimes I do get tired from all this but that one special moment outside JL's OCBC bank, where I made that promise to you and we did our little silly "Gou gou Finer" thingy still puts a subconscious smile on my face. Its the little things like this that keeps me going, making it worthwhile.
What I said earlier was meant to be between 2 friends, 1 telling the other "Hey! You know things ain't so great between us anymore, we got to put in a little be more effort to work things out" but it came out differently. Yes! I do feel taken for granted when I see an outing planned by your request only to end with you running off in a few hours. Lately "I've got to go off soon" seems to be the only consistent thing you say. Its not a big deal if we know about it before planning an outing. It seems that going out with us is like a chore and you need someone to ask you out last minute to rescue you from our company. I never questioned how you value our friendship but with tiny consistent acts like this I don't know what to think anymore, we all don't know what to think anymore. The final incident where you went MIA for 24hrs because you left your phone in your friend's car, what irks me the most is you made ZERO effort to get back in touch when you asked me to once again plan something. If you would have just called back the moment you got your phone that very night that would have meant something at least and yet you make it seem like a sin for me to question your valuation of us. For goodness sake your own sister is kept waiting!
Punishment? I'm just being honest with you. I thought we could tell each other anything? I'm not threatening to do anything but you took it as a personal attack. Unfairness? You compared yourself to others but why do that? This is now this is about you, nothing else matters. I wanted you to know what I'm feeling and I never compared your flaws against another person's virtues. Overwritten? I've never forgotten the nice things you've done but as friends why should we make judgment on each other based on weighing the pros and cons? How can as a friend, sit by and tell myself since the pros outweigh the cons, I'll not talk about it.
I still intend to keep my promise but its getting harder because I don't know if you think its worth it. Maybe I need a sign from you or even a little gesture to if you still need me to keep that promise, cos I know you get emotional talking about such things. I hope you get to read this and at the very least understand why it happened. Reply or not, it doesn't really matter. I 'll understand after going through this with me many times in the past, you'll get tired of it and just can't be bothered anymore. Like I said on MSN. My sincere wishes for you.
I've been thinking up till now what you said. I admit I was harsh, I was angry and yet I had no right to tell you what you should do. I overstepped that boundary and would like to say "I'm sorry!" but it might be too late for that. You brought up things like punishment, unfairness and overwritten. These 3 words made me mince my words, it hurts to hear these words but more hurtful, is that you think that of me. I never meant to hurt you whenever we have talks like that. Every time I dread going through this talks with you, and I pray that you'll see my intentions but maybe god doesn't hear or I'm just doing it wrongly. I've never said the right things to make you smile but always the wrong things to make you cry. Sometimes I do get tired from all this but that one special moment outside JL's OCBC bank, where I made that promise to you and we did our little silly "Gou gou Finer" thingy still puts a subconscious smile on my face. Its the little things like this that keeps me going, making it worthwhile.
What I said earlier was meant to be between 2 friends, 1 telling the other "Hey! You know things ain't so great between us anymore, we got to put in a little be more effort to work things out" but it came out differently. Yes! I do feel taken for granted when I see an outing planned by your request only to end with you running off in a few hours. Lately "I've got to go off soon" seems to be the only consistent thing you say. Its not a big deal if we know about it before planning an outing. It seems that going out with us is like a chore and you need someone to ask you out last minute to rescue you from our company. I never questioned how you value our friendship but with tiny consistent acts like this I don't know what to think anymore, we all don't know what to think anymore. The final incident where you went MIA for 24hrs because you left your phone in your friend's car, what irks me the most is you made ZERO effort to get back in touch when you asked me to once again plan something. If you would have just called back the moment you got your phone that very night that would have meant something at least and yet you make it seem like a sin for me to question your valuation of us. For goodness sake your own sister is kept waiting!
Punishment? I'm just being honest with you. I thought we could tell each other anything? I'm not threatening to do anything but you took it as a personal attack. Unfairness? You compared yourself to others but why do that? This is now this is about you, nothing else matters. I wanted you to know what I'm feeling and I never compared your flaws against another person's virtues. Overwritten? I've never forgotten the nice things you've done but as friends why should we make judgment on each other based on weighing the pros and cons? How can as a friend, sit by and tell myself since the pros outweigh the cons, I'll not talk about it.
I still intend to keep my promise but its getting harder because I don't know if you think its worth it. Maybe I need a sign from you or even a little gesture to if you still need me to keep that promise, cos I know you get emotional talking about such things. I hope you get to read this and at the very least understand why it happened. Reply or not, it doesn't really matter. I 'll understand after going through this with me many times in the past, you'll get tired of it and just can't be bothered anymore. Like I said on MSN. My sincere wishes for you.
1 comment:
it's been long...is it going to be the same person who breaks the silence again? pls tc..
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