Just got back my results on Friday! For those of you who knows me should know that this has been sitting at the back of my mind for a very long time. No I wasn't looking forward to getting it, infact I dreaded everyday and the feeling was exceptionally horrible during week leading up to the release date. Yes most of you should know its a very big deal for me and I appreciate all the support during the anxious moments. So a big thank you to everyone and i'm pround to announce that I have passed all my subjects to enable me to remain in NTU. Still got 1 more GE paper next Wednesday before I get to enjoy the remaining 3 weeks of my holiday. Starting attachment on the 9th of July...I think i'm repeating myself all over again.
For every good thing, I guess there is always going to be negative lurking around the corner. This is where the celebrations stop for this post. I'm dedicating this section to someone who I consider special and things hasn't really been smooth sailing for quite sometime between us. Joyce, i'm not going to beat around the bush, we are all adults and I believe on my part laying my cards open is the best way and I hope you can do the same. I believe it all started with me making the decision to take sometime away from you (twice). It was just a crazy time and I believe we talked about it before. Things back then were different. I admit the way I treat you now pales in comparison to the past. I hope you understand that I was "caught up" with the possibility that we might have actually got together and that I allowed myself to read to much into your kind intentions that you direct to your all your guy friends. I didn't realise back then but I get it now...we can only be friends and I guess you might be too used to the way I was in the past. Things are definately different now but I have to admit that the wat I am now...i'm trying very hard to be, and not let myself revert back to my old self...I believe we all know what might happen again. At times i'm not proud of my behaviour but that happens when you can't be yourself. Feelings will always be there and its up to us to keep it in check. Before typing this, I was contemplating whether or not to type this. It might just scare you away but up till this point I think that it is the right thing to do. The rest of them say I spoil you too much...giving in to your occasional whim and fancy and will always be on hand to apologise 1st. Sad to say I do agree with them but I think its time you learnt to be responsible to yourself and treat what your real friends tell you as constructive rather than demeaning. Up till this point if you're not thinking of defending yourself, I think it is a good start. People makes mistakes but admitting to it without hostile feelings is an art. I'm prepared for fingers to be pointed at me for being hyppocrtical by saying that but I will admit to that...its an art i'm trying to perfect as well. So what are we left now? Regarding what happened 2 days ago...I only remembered talking to you on the phone and the last exchange was you asking how was my grades and my reply was to tell you when we meet then I passed the phone to Shaun. What he said to you I had no idea as I was placing my order with the waitress...shortly recieved a typical pissed off sms from you which you did not reply. Sometimes I wonder how you want me to respond? The old me or the new me? I think we both know that you have a different set of expectations from me compared to the rest...anyway reached home read your blog msged you on msn only to have no reply until earlier when you congratulated me. I wonder why you would say such things in that blog post...I would never have said something like that to you. I can't help use the word victimise here. If you feel you are always to be blamed for something regardless of the situation then I think you are doing exactly that to yourself. So pardon me for getting pissed at you for getting pissed at me for something I did not do...yes the rest have commented a few times before that you tend to direct your unhappiness at me regardless of who is guilty.
I can only see 2 outcomes from this. Either I shall never hear from you again knowing that you are not the sort to initiate a mending or you can try to be honest and upfront with me with your feelings instead of lashing out so we can talk it out. I don't know if this works for you but the ball is in your court. I shall be waiting for your reply via any means, if not then at least let me tell you that I treasured every memory with you in it. Okay i'm no longer pissed!
For every good thing, I guess there is always going to be negative lurking around the corner. This is where the celebrations stop for this post. I'm dedicating this section to someone who I consider special and things hasn't really been smooth sailing for quite sometime between us. Joyce, i'm not going to beat around the bush, we are all adults and I believe on my part laying my cards open is the best way and I hope you can do the same. I believe it all started with me making the decision to take sometime away from you (twice). It was just a crazy time and I believe we talked about it before. Things back then were different. I admit the way I treat you now pales in comparison to the past. I hope you understand that I was "caught up" with the possibility that we might have actually got together and that I allowed myself to read to much into your kind intentions that you direct to your all your guy friends. I didn't realise back then but I get it now...we can only be friends and I guess you might be too used to the way I was in the past. Things are definately different now but I have to admit that the wat I am now...i'm trying very hard to be, and not let myself revert back to my old self...I believe we all know what might happen again. At times i'm not proud of my behaviour but that happens when you can't be yourself. Feelings will always be there and its up to us to keep it in check. Before typing this, I was contemplating whether or not to type this. It might just scare you away but up till this point I think that it is the right thing to do. The rest of them say I spoil you too much...giving in to your occasional whim and fancy and will always be on hand to apologise 1st. Sad to say I do agree with them but I think its time you learnt to be responsible to yourself and treat what your real friends tell you as constructive rather than demeaning. Up till this point if you're not thinking of defending yourself, I think it is a good start. People makes mistakes but admitting to it without hostile feelings is an art. I'm prepared for fingers to be pointed at me for being hyppocrtical by saying that but I will admit to that...its an art i'm trying to perfect as well. So what are we left now? Regarding what happened 2 days ago...I only remembered talking to you on the phone and the last exchange was you asking how was my grades and my reply was to tell you when we meet then I passed the phone to Shaun. What he said to you I had no idea as I was placing my order with the waitress...shortly recieved a typical pissed off sms from you which you did not reply. Sometimes I wonder how you want me to respond? The old me or the new me? I think we both know that you have a different set of expectations from me compared to the rest...anyway reached home read your blog msged you on msn only to have no reply until earlier when you congratulated me. I wonder why you would say such things in that blog post...I would never have said something like that to you. I can't help use the word victimise here. If you feel you are always to be blamed for something regardless of the situation then I think you are doing exactly that to yourself. So pardon me for getting pissed at you for getting pissed at me for something I did not do...yes the rest have commented a few times before that you tend to direct your unhappiness at me regardless of who is guilty.
I can only see 2 outcomes from this. Either I shall never hear from you again knowing that you are not the sort to initiate a mending or you can try to be honest and upfront with me with your feelings instead of lashing out so we can talk it out. I don't know if this works for you but the ball is in your court. I shall be waiting for your reply via any means, if not then at least let me tell you that I treasured every memory with you in it. Okay i'm no longer pissed!
No comments:
Post a Comment